I create art to survive and to thrive!

I admit it!  I create art to survive and to thrive.   Without art in my life, I am not sure how I would have made it through all of the many challenging times in my life.  It is such a blessing to always have art to turn to whenever I am feeling out of sorts or depressed or going through a major life challenge.  There are times when I believe that creating art has literally kept me alive.  I especially noticed this while going through my first divorce which took a long time to recover from.   There were moments when I felt so depressed and down inside with hardly any life force or will to live.  Creating art literally brought me back to life.  When I could express what I was feeling inside on the canvas, then I could somehow see it and heal it, piece by piece.

Recently I was telling a young woman how I am now calling my art survival art because it helps me to survive.  She corrected me and said that it is more than that, that it is "surthival" art ...it represents surviving and thriving!  I really resonated with that and now call my art "surthrival" art because not only do I survive but I thrive as well!  I especially thrive since I have discovered that my monsters are really my angels in disguise!  But that's a subject for my next blog entry.

I Am A Coast To Coast AM Radio Show Addict!

I admit it!  I am a Coast to Coast AM Radio Show addict! It keeps me up most of the night but I just love George Noorey and this radio show!  I learn so much from the show.  George has such interesting guests talking about all kinds of things like UFO's, aliens, alternative health, personal growth, chemtrails, crop circles, conspiracy theories, the economy, ghosts, psychic predictions, numerology, earthquakes, tsunamis, etc. ... all the things that I am very interested in.  I have to admit though that I don't always remember alot of what I heard on the radio the night before.  Sometimes I am just too tired to take it all in.

Where I live in the Pacific time zone, it starts at 10 pm and ends at 2 am.  It also repeats itself starting at 2 am until 5am in the morning.  With my wonderful CC Crane radio, I am able to listen to the show on either 780AM out of Reno, Nevada or 1190AM out of Portland, OR.  Sometimes I fall asleep during the show and wake up in the middle of the night and pick up where I left off.

When I first moved to my secluded property and was living alone, it was always so soothing and comforting to turn the radio show on at night.  It gave me a sense of connection to others and made me feel less alone.  I found myself looking forward to the radio show all day. 

The Coast to Coast AM radio show is definitely a bright spot in my day!  It makes my heart happy and makes me feel connected to the rest of the world no matter how alone I feel.

I love my garden but what I love even more are my Stop Signs

I love having a large vegetable garden but what got me even more excited was a place to put my Stop Sign public art project that I created.  Originally, I was going to put the stop signs down the side of my long driveway.   When I realized that I would be using 4 x 4 posts for the garden fencing, I got excited about the idea of putting my stop signs up around the garden. I love the way it came out and I still have room for even more stop signs because I can put stop signs on both sides of the 4x4 posts.

There is a sadness growing inside of me ....

There is a sadness growing inside of me.  Ever since I was young, I have always felt like I am here on the planet to do something big ...to make a big difference in the world. The sadness is coming from a place deep inside that knows that I have not accomplished this yet. 

Over the last few yearrs, I came to the understanding that maybe my art is my big contribution to the world.  In this deep feeling of sadness that has come upon me recently, though, I find myself feeling that maybe my art is not enough ...that maybe there is still something else, something bigger that I am here to contribute. 

I am sad because I don't know what this something else is and because I don't know if I will have enough time to accomplish it before I die.  And if my art is not what I am here to contribute, then what am I here for?

I want to do mosaics but I am scared!

I have been collecting tile and things for mosaics for years now.  I look for left over tile at yard sales and thrift stores ....especially brightly colored tile. 

There are some blank walls on the outside of my house that keep staring at me, pleading for mosaics.  I feel such fear and trepidation though.  Mosaics feel so permanent and it seems like it's something you have to really think through and I am not a "realistic" artist.  I tend to be more abstract and like to create as I go.  It's that outsider part of me that doesn't want to be tied down to anything ...not even to a specific image.  At least with paint, if I don't like the image, I can start again and paint over it.

What to do?  My window of opportunity is running out.  Summer is disappearing fast.  Soon winter will be here.  Now is the time to do it if I am going to do it. 

I have started.  I have assembled my boxes of tile from years of collecting on the ground in front of the wall.
I have the tile cutter and some half empty bags of mortar and grout sitting there.  Various ideas for images have been running through my head ....flowers, trees, a peace tree, etc.  Maybe I should just have the courage to do an abstract piece that doesn't make any sense at all.  Maybe that would give me the freedom I need to get started.

There is also this exciting feeling deep inside of me that once I get started with mosaics, I may never want to stop.  Of course, I have to work through my fears first and I have to start.  I guess I could follow the Nike idea, "Just do it!"

I PUT MY KIDS ON THE WALL!

I love being an outsider!  I love being able to do things the way I want to do them without having to conform to anyone else's standards.   I love being able to paint my house the way that I want to without having to worry about what the neighbors will think.  Fortunately, I have no neighbors except for all the wild things of the forest.

I loved painting my children on the outside wall of my house.  I am proud of them ...proud of who they are ...proud of all that they have accomplished so far ...proud that they are following their hearts and living the lives that they want.  So, why not put them on the wall for all to see!  They truly do deserve a wall in their honor!  I am so glad that I could make that happen!

I am an outsider person too!

I admit it! I am not just an outsider artist, I am an outsider person, too. I never do feel like I fit in. I think it all started with being the third child ...two children fit perfectly but three ...the third one always feels left out somehow. I grew up feeling left out...never fitting in!

I've been an outsider in the working world too.  I never enjoyed being an employee.  I didn't like restrictions on my time and having to follow so many rules and regulations. I always ended up wanting to do things my own way. After getting frustrated working for others, I ended up becoming an entrepreneur for most of my life, creating my own businesses and doing things my way.

With my first husband, I opened a Chinese fast food restaurant called, Nature Wok. Shortly after my first child was born, I opened a children's resale store, called Baby Boom Bargains which later included a children's hair cutting salon, called The Cutting Circus. Eventually I sold these businesses and went on to start an educational business called, Heroic Living, teaching people how to work through their dark side energy to create the life they wanted. Later I got involved with real estate investing, buying, selling and rehabing properties. And now I am just allowing myself to be the artist.

Though I really enjoy people, I am not much of a joiner. I don't seem to be able to stay with anything I join. I love being with people and I also really love being alone. I have discovered both of these sides of myself. After spending time with people, I always feel the need to pull away and spend time alone.

I also live as an outsider ...deep in the forest, eight miles outside of town, and three and a half miles from the nearest neighbor. I like being the outsider person ...doing things my way, living life on my own terms and having lots of space around me with no one to answer to but myself.

I LOVE THE CREATIVE PROCESS!

Oh how I love the creative process,
everyday filled with lovely surprises,
my art room full of supplies, such a mess
as I paint my life's many disguises!

To create is to be fully alive,
giving birth over and over again
Busy I am as an active bee hive,
Images and words pour out, yes I can!

Paint and write words, poetry and music too
that relate to me and the world today,
each item I create is something new
and so full of what my soul wants to say!

The creativity never does end.
It goes on and on and on all the time.
Sometimes I create from within and mend
a heartache or a heartbreak that is mine!

And other times, I create from within
to send a message, confront a sin

I LOVE BEING SNOWED IN!

I admit it!  I love being snowed in!  Just when I thought spring was finally here, a big snowstorm arrived!   I've received two feet of snow in the last two days and it is still snowing!  The forecast is for snow every day for the next week. 

My home is very secluded in the forest.  It is actually three and half miles from the nearest neighbor.  Winter is usually the time when I do the most painting.   Being more reclusive and alone in the winter,  I usually don't feel much like going out.  It is a time of going inward for me and of putting what I am feeling on the canvas.  How I love it when it snows so much that nobody can get to me.   The total privacy is so heavenly and sacred.  It's just me and the forest, alone, together, feeling safe and protected from the world!

My mind is running crazy now with new ideas and with endless energy to paint.  I don't know where to start.  All of a sudden, I find myself wanting to start five paintings at the same time. It's so exciting to have this time with no distractions and a beautiful winter wonderland outside my window.  Although, the birds may be a little confused.  Some birds keep landing on the snow near my windows.  They probably thought spring was coming too.  Hopefully they can find shelter and enough food to survive.

I guess when I need to get to town for supplies, I'll have to get my big old orange Tucker snowcat started and cruise down the road to my car parked three and a half miles away.  But for now, I will just lie low and shelter in and paint to my heart's content as the snow keeps falling!

I am a yard sale and thrift store junkie!

I am a yard sale and thrift store junkie
on the lookout for that special bargain.
I never do know ahead what it will be
But when I find it, it feels heaven sent!

Mostly I look for things for my art,
interesting items to paint things on,
not the kind of stuff they sell at Walmart,
but unique, one of a kind items, mon!

Yard sales and thrift stores do stimulate me
Some of my best ideas come while I'm there!
My eyes look around and wander so free
looking for unique things to paint or to wear!

Sometimes I also find outsider art,
unusual, one of a kind creations
that I enjoy, that touch my soul and heart
that to me, in my mind, are worth tons!

I admit it!  Yes sir, it never fails
I stop at all thrift stores and yard sales!

I am a wannabe rainbow child of the sixties!

I admit it! I am a wanna be rainbow child of the sixties! I began painting twenty two years ago by selecting the colors I was attracted to. As it turned out, it was all the colors of the rainbow that I was attracted to and it has stayed that way. I am stuck on the rainbow colors. No other colors interest me much. All of my paintings consist of the rainbow colors with the exception of some black and white mixed in at times.

Having been born in 1956, I was still quite young during the sixties and missed out on the sixties hippie scene. I think I would have loved being a part of it though.

I did actually dress up as a sixties hippie rainbow child for halloween a few years ago. Then I got in my 1963 Red VW bug and drove to a Halloween party.
I sure had lots of fun pretending to be a hippie rainbow child of the sixties. I never wanted that party or that part of myself to end!

At least I do have the sixties house, don't you think? Fortunately the house is hidden deep in the forest with no neighbors to complain about my paint job.

Even though I missed the hippie rainbow child scene of the nineteen sixties, I do very much enjoy living in my sixties house and driving my sixties car. And I did recently complete a Rainbow Woman painting to honor that part of myself!

I am an art supply addict!

About those art supplies...

Prior to actually doing any art, I had spent years going to art stores being fascinated with art supplies. I would walk around the art supply stores noticing what art supplies I was attracted to. I would buy as much as I could afford. Then I would bring them home and get depressed because I didn't know how to use them or what to do with them. I fact, I would feel absolutely helpless as I looked at those art supplies that I had just brought home. It was terrifying to be so in love with those art supplies and to feel so helpless about how to use them at the same time.

I had the most beautiful collection of art supplies ...brightly colored watercolors, tubes of acrylic paint, prismacolor markers, colored pencils, sketch pads, pastels, drawing pencils, and various size canvasses. I have to admit that by the time I got the courage to put my first image on paper, I had a ton of art supplies stockpiled. I had truly become an art supply addict!

And even though I have been painting for twenty two years now, I still have lots of art supplies that I have not used. I still don't have a clue about how to use them. Although I did take some watercolors out not too long ago and started experimenting with them. Some of the tubes were dried up though. They had been sitting around for so long. I guess that is the downside of being an art supply addict. The art supplies don't always last forever.

They come in handy sometimes though. I gave a beautiful new set of drawing pencils and some sketch pads to a young teenage girl in my town who is into drawing. It was great to see her face light up! I also gave some paints and canvases to a six year old artist having her first art show in her home. That was a fun show! She sure was into being the artist. She even got dressed up in a fancy dress and walked around talking about each of her paintings!

I am untrainable! I am an art class drop out!

I admit it!  I am untrainable! I have dropped out of every art class I have ever taken!  I don't have the patience it takes to learn how to do art!  I have discovered that I am one of those people who learn art the best by doing rather than by studying how to do art!

I have tried taking various art classes over the years but I could never stay with it. I dropped out every time and usually after the first class.

You should have seen me in those art classes.  I would sit in the back corner trying so hard to concentrate on what the teacher was teaching.  Before long though, I would lose interest and end up doing my own thing while the teacher was still trying to teach.  It was painful to try to sit and listen.  I couldn't wait till the class ended.  I had no patience or stamina for it.  Then I would go home all depressed and frustrated with myself.  I would end up thinking that I will never be an artist even though that is what I wanted to be more than anything else.

One thing that especially bothered me about the art classes I attempted to take is that they were always geared towards realistic art.  It took me a long time to realize that my passion was not realistic art.  I didn't want to learn how to make a tree look like a tree.  My passion, I finally discovered, was to put what I was feeling on the canvas as quickly and simply as I could.

The good news is that even though I was an art class drop out, I did finally discover the artist within after a lot of years of experimenting with my art materials.

I Became A Fightened Frantic Parent Last Night!

I admit it!  I became the frightened, frantic parent last night!  I got scared when I heard about the 8.9 earthquake in Japan and potential Tsunami in California and Oregon.  I have a daughter in San Francisco, California and a son in Portland, Oregon.

I was listening to my favorite Coast to Coast AM Radio Show when I heard the devastating news.  The show quickly switched over to following the moment by moment news coming in about the quake in Japan and Tsunami activities interspersed with various experts coming on to speak about the situation.

I started out feeling lots of empathy and sympathy for the people of Japan and other areas that might be affected.  Then all of a sudden, it got personal and close to home when I heard mention that California and Oregon were on Tsunami alerts.  I thought of my children and panicked!  I shifted my radio to the San Francisco station and then to the Portland station and I went back and forth between the two of them, hearing the latest predictions and news.  I thought of my children and panicked!

I called my son, Ben, in Portland, Oregon.  The phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing.  He did not answer.  I assumed that he must be in a very deep sleep.  That didn't make me feel very secure ...this kid would probably end up sleeping right through any major disaster.  It must be all the sports he does that enables him to sleep so deep.

Next, I called my daughter, Liz, in San Francisco.  She answered the phone in a very tired, cranky voice.  I had obviously woken her up.  Well at least this kid wakes up, I thought!  I told her that maybe she should stay awake and monitor the situation with the potential Tsunami.  She disagreed, saying that there is nothing she could do anyway and hung up and went back to sleep.  She probably won't even remember the phone call or the conversation in the morning.  I think she may have been talking in her sleep!

My kids probably think that I am overreacting, but I am a mother after all and mothers do get protective about their kids.  The truth is that I feel helpless living so far away from both of them realizing that there was nothing I could do to help them if this Tsunami did threaten their lives.  As I laid in my bed in the dark listening to the radio stations, I came to the conclusion that I just had to trust in the universe and in my children's intuition to keep them safe.

You may wonder why I bring up my children and what they have to do with my art blog.  Well, I have come to realize that no matter how much great art I create, my two awesome children, Liz and Ben Wu, in the attached photo will always be my greatest creations!