I create art to survive and to thrive!

I admit it!  I create art to survive and to thrive.   Without art in my life, I am not sure how I would have made it through all of the many challenging times in my life.  It is such a blessing to always have art to turn to whenever I am feeling out of sorts or depressed or going through a major life challenge.  There are times when I believe that creating art has literally kept me alive.  I especially noticed this while going through my first divorce which took a long time to recover from.   There were moments when I felt so depressed and down inside with hardly any life force or will to live.  Creating art literally brought me back to life.  When I could express what I was feeling inside on the canvas, then I could somehow see it and heal it, piece by piece.

Recently I was telling a young woman how I am now calling my art survival art because it helps me to survive.  She corrected me and said that it is more than that, that it is "surthival" art ...it represents surviving and thriving!  I really resonated with that and now call my art "surthrival" art because not only do I survive but I thrive as well!  I especially thrive since I have discovered that my monsters are really my angels in disguise!  But that's a subject for my next blog entry.

I Am A Coast To Coast AM Radio Show Addict!

I admit it!  I am a Coast to Coast AM Radio Show addict! It keeps me up most of the night but I just love George Noorey and this radio show!  I learn so much from the show.  George has such interesting guests talking about all kinds of things like UFO's, aliens, alternative health, personal growth, chemtrails, crop circles, conspiracy theories, the economy, ghosts, psychic predictions, numerology, earthquakes, tsunamis, etc. ... all the things that I am very interested in.  I have to admit though that I don't always remember alot of what I heard on the radio the night before.  Sometimes I am just too tired to take it all in.

Where I live in the Pacific time zone, it starts at 10 pm and ends at 2 am.  It also repeats itself starting at 2 am until 5am in the morning.  With my wonderful CC Crane radio, I am able to listen to the show on either 780AM out of Reno, Nevada or 1190AM out of Portland, OR.  Sometimes I fall asleep during the show and wake up in the middle of the night and pick up where I left off.

When I first moved to my secluded property and was living alone, it was always so soothing and comforting to turn the radio show on at night.  It gave me a sense of connection to others and made me feel less alone.  I found myself looking forward to the radio show all day. 

The Coast to Coast AM radio show is definitely a bright spot in my day!  It makes my heart happy and makes me feel connected to the rest of the world no matter how alone I feel.

I love my garden but what I love even more are my Stop Signs

I love having a large vegetable garden but what got me even more excited was a place to put my Stop Sign public art project that I created.  Originally, I was going to put the stop signs down the side of my long driveway.   When I realized that I would be using 4 x 4 posts for the garden fencing, I got excited about the idea of putting my stop signs up around the garden. I love the way it came out and I still have room for even more stop signs because I can put stop signs on both sides of the 4x4 posts.

There is a sadness growing inside of me ....

There is a sadness growing inside of me.  Ever since I was young, I have always felt like I am here on the planet to do something big ...to make a big difference in the world. The sadness is coming from a place deep inside that knows that I have not accomplished this yet. 

Over the last few yearrs, I came to the understanding that maybe my art is my big contribution to the world.  In this deep feeling of sadness that has come upon me recently, though, I find myself feeling that maybe my art is not enough ...that maybe there is still something else, something bigger that I am here to contribute. 

I am sad because I don't know what this something else is and because I don't know if I will have enough time to accomplish it before I die.  And if my art is not what I am here to contribute, then what am I here for?

I want to do mosaics but I am scared!

I have been collecting tile and things for mosaics for years now.  I look for left over tile at yard sales and thrift stores ....especially brightly colored tile. 

There are some blank walls on the outside of my house that keep staring at me, pleading for mosaics.  I feel such fear and trepidation though.  Mosaics feel so permanent and it seems like it's something you have to really think through and I am not a "realistic" artist.  I tend to be more abstract and like to create as I go.  It's that outsider part of me that doesn't want to be tied down to anything ...not even to a specific image.  At least with paint, if I don't like the image, I can start again and paint over it.

What to do?  My window of opportunity is running out.  Summer is disappearing fast.  Soon winter will be here.  Now is the time to do it if I am going to do it. 

I have started.  I have assembled my boxes of tile from years of collecting on the ground in front of the wall.
I have the tile cutter and some half empty bags of mortar and grout sitting there.  Various ideas for images have been running through my head ....flowers, trees, a peace tree, etc.  Maybe I should just have the courage to do an abstract piece that doesn't make any sense at all.  Maybe that would give me the freedom I need to get started.

There is also this exciting feeling deep inside of me that once I get started with mosaics, I may never want to stop.  Of course, I have to work through my fears first and I have to start.  I guess I could follow the Nike idea, "Just do it!"

I PUT MY KIDS ON THE WALL!

I love being an outsider!  I love being able to do things the way I want to do them without having to conform to anyone else's standards.   I love being able to paint my house the way that I want to without having to worry about what the neighbors will think.  Fortunately, I have no neighbors except for all the wild things of the forest.

I loved painting my children on the outside wall of my house.  I am proud of them ...proud of who they are ...proud of all that they have accomplished so far ...proud that they are following their hearts and living the lives that they want.  So, why not put them on the wall for all to see!  They truly do deserve a wall in their honor!  I am so glad that I could make that happen!

I am an outsider person too!

I admit it! I am not just an outsider artist, I am an outsider person, too. I never do feel like I fit in. I think it all started with being the third child ...two children fit perfectly but three ...the third one always feels left out somehow. I grew up feeling left out...never fitting in!

I've been an outsider in the working world too.  I never enjoyed being an employee.  I didn't like restrictions on my time and having to follow so many rules and regulations. I always ended up wanting to do things my own way. After getting frustrated working for others, I ended up becoming an entrepreneur for most of my life, creating my own businesses and doing things my way.

With my first husband, I opened a Chinese fast food restaurant called, Nature Wok. Shortly after my first child was born, I opened a children's resale store, called Baby Boom Bargains which later included a children's hair cutting salon, called The Cutting Circus. Eventually I sold these businesses and went on to start an educational business called, Heroic Living, teaching people how to work through their dark side energy to create the life they wanted. Later I got involved with real estate investing, buying, selling and rehabing properties. And now I am just allowing myself to be the artist.

Though I really enjoy people, I am not much of a joiner. I don't seem to be able to stay with anything I join. I love being with people and I also really love being alone. I have discovered both of these sides of myself. After spending time with people, I always feel the need to pull away and spend time alone.

I also live as an outsider ...deep in the forest, eight miles outside of town, and three and a half miles from the nearest neighbor. I like being the outsider person ...doing things my way, living life on my own terms and having lots of space around me with no one to answer to but myself.